If you thought default XP was dumb, you're in for a world of hurt in Vista. Let's see what we can do.

• Close

• Right click sidebar, close
• Right click the sidebar icon in system tray (which should have a "help" bubble now), Exit
• In dialog, uncheck "Start sidebar when Windows starts"; "Exit sidebar"

• Start | Control panel
• "Classic view" on left
• Press Alt to bring up the ever-elusive menu bar
• View | Details
• View | Status bar
• Tools | Folder options
  • "Use Windows classic folders"
  • View tab
    • "Always show menus" → On (THANK GOD)
    • "Display simple folder view in Navigation pane" → Off
    • "Display the full path in the title bar" → On
    • "Show hidden files and folers" → On
    • "Hide extensions of known file types" → Off
    • "Hide protected operating system files" → Off; Yes to dumb dialog box
    • "Remember each folder's view settings" → Off

This, like all steps in this document, is optional; you can leave UAC on if you like the added security.

• Start | Control panel | User Accounts
• "Turn User Account Control on or off"
• Uncheck, OK, Reboot

• Right click taskbar, properties
• "Taskbar" tab
  • "Group similar taskbar buttons" → Off
• "Start Menu" tab
  • "Classic Start menu" → On, "Customize"
    • At bottom of "Advanced Start menu options", "Use personalized menus" → Off
• "Notification Area" tab
  • "Hide inactive icons" → Off
• OK

• Press Win+Pause or right click "My Computer" and choose "Properties"
• Giant "fake" system properties appears. Click "System protection" on the left to bring up real system properties.
• "Advanced" tab
  • Performance "Settings"
    • "Adjust for best performance", then enable what you want
      • Disabling "Use visual styles on windows and buttons" gives classic Windows 2000 look
      • Move swap file via "Advanced" dialog if desired
  • Startup and Recovery "Settings"
    • "Automatically restart" → Off
  • Environment variables if needed

• desktop tab
  • wallpaper → not dumb
  • [Customize Desktop], "Run desktop cleanup wizard" → off
• appearance tab
  • style → classic
  • effects: "transition effect" → off, "hide underlined letters" → off
• settings tab
  • resolution → decent

• "change way windows notifies me" on left, all → unchecked
• "windows firewall" config link at bottom, → off
• "windows update" config link at bottom, → off

• "group similar" → off
• "show quick launch" → on maybe
• "hide inactive icons" → off
• start menu tab, → classic menu
• customize, at bottom of check list, "use personalized menus" → off

• "do not move files to the recycle bin" → on

• go to "c:\"
• view | details
• view | status bar → on
• tools | folder options
  • tasks → "classic folders"
  • view tab
    • "display simple folder view" → off
    • "display the contents of system folders" → on
    • "hidden files and folders" → "show hiden"
    • "hide extensions" → off
    • "hide protected OS files" → off (then hit [YES] to confirm because the computer clearly outranks you)
    • "remember each folder's view settings" → off
    • [Apply]
    • [Apply to All Folders]
    • [Reset All Folders]
    • [Apply to All Folders]
    • [Ok]

• run it and go through obligatory "do you need an isp" crap
• homepage → anything but MSN (google?)

• advanced tab
  • performance settings
    • → "best performance"
    • if moving swap file, do it in advanced tab now
  • startup and recovery
    • "automatically restart" → off (so bluescreens don't look like random reboots and you can actually read the error message)
  • if moving temp path or adding program paths, edit environment variables now
  • error reporting → disable

• change my password → to one that isn't blank
• if you got a retarded icon by default or something, change it (even though you'll likely never see it again)
• "change the way users logon"
  • "use welcome" → off
  • "fast user switching" → off

1. Click Start, click Run, and type "control userpasswords2". This is a shortcut instead of having to click on Start → Control Panel → User Accounts.
2. Uncheck the "Users must enter a username and password to use this computer" check box.
3. Click Apply.
4. Enter the user name and password you wish to automatically log on with, and then click OK.
5. Click OK again and you're all done.

(from http://8help.osu.edu/2063.html)

• alerter → stop and set to manual
• automatic updates → stop and set to manual
• themes → stop and set to manual

• hit Win+F or click "Search" in explorer to bring up find dialog
• retarded dog appears.
• "change preferences", "without an animated character"
• "change preferences", "change file and folder search behavior", → "advanced", [Ok]

• sounds tab, pick "start navigation" from program events, set sound to "(None)" – this kills that annoying click every time you open a folder

• pointer scheme → 3d bronze (or manually switch just the animated hourglasses)

To completely disable all forms of autorun/autoplay:

• Start | Run | "GPEDIT.MSC"
• On left panel, "Computer Configuration" | "Administrative Templates" | "System"
• In right panel, Set "Turn autoplay off" to enabled with either "CD-ROM drives" or "All drives" (USB keys, etc.)

http://www.mozilla.com/en-US/firefox/

• tools, options, → "always ask me where to save files"

http://windizupdate.com