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Normal people poker

If you're new to poker, here's a quick primer. In almost all these games, you're trying to make your best 5 card hand. Hand rankings:

Most common games:

  • Five card draw:
    • Deal: Everyone gets 5 cards.
    • Bet phase.
    • Draw phase: Everyone in turn has an option to exchange up to 3 cards. House rule: you can exchange 4 cards if you show and keep an Ace.
    • Bet phase.
    • Showdown.
  • Seven card stud:
    • You get a mix of public (face up) and private (face down) cards in waves, with bets in between. The exact number/mix can vary.
    • Our most common sequence is: 2 down, 1 up, 2 down, 1 up, 1 up.
  • Texas Hold Them:
    • Deal: Everyone gets 2 cards.
    • Bet phase.
    • Flop: 3 face-up cards are dealt in the center. These are communal (you can use any of them to make your best 5-card hand).
    • Bet phase.
    • Turn: 1 more face-up card to the communal area.
    • Bet phase.
    • River: 1 final face-up card to the communal area.
    • Bet phase.
    • Showdown.

Betting:

  • Check/bet: Bets occur in turns. Initially, you may check (bet zero) or bet (bet non-zero, and others must match to stay in). People will often knock the table as short-hand for "check".
  • Call/raise/fold: If someone before you has bet, then you may call (match the bet), raise (increase the bet, which others must match to stay in), or fold (abandon the game, forfeiting prior bets).
  • Square and push: Bets are placed in front of you, then when all bets are matched, we are "square" and everyone pushes their bets into the pot at once. This helps us keep track.
  • Side-pots: Sometimes, you may want to stay in a hand even after a large bet you don't have the funds to match. In this case, you can do a side-pot, where you're not eligible to win the money you couldn't cover in the bet. Don't worry, just find the soberest math brain and have them handle that crap.

Our crazy poker games

Classics

Guts: Standard game. We play 3-card guts:

  • Deal: Everyone gets 3 cards.
  • Words: From left of dealer, players announce "guts" (asserting they can win) or "pass". Once someone declares, everyone gets a chance to "challenge" (asserting they can beat the guts-er) or "pass"; even people who passed the chance to guts.
  • Showdown: Guts-er and challengers show. Only possible hands are high card, pair, and three of a kind.
    • If the guts-er wins, they take the pot, and all losing challengers must match what was in it.
    • If the guts-er loses to any challenger, the winning challenger(s) take the pot (splitting if there's multiple), and the guts-er must double what was in the pot.
  • Everyone passsed? If everyone passes, then it's a re-deal, with deal passing.
  • Repeat. Then another hand of guts is dealt, with deal passing. The overall game ends when someone gutses and nobody challenges.
  • Optional rules:
    • The Gooch: A non-player controlled hand dealt into the middle each round, typically protected under some totem object. If someone gutses and nobody challenges, they must beat each stored gooch in order. If they fail to beat the first one, no winnings, and guts continues. If they fail to beat any subsequent one, they take half the pot, and guts continues. Guts ends when all gooches are defeated, then the whole pot is won.
    • Gooch-zilla AKA Super Gooch: Same as the Gooch, but four cards instead of three.
    • Coward tax: If everyone passes, everyone shows, and whoever would have won pays the tax, usually a quarter.
    • Coward tariff: If everyone passes, everyone pays the tariff, usually a quarter.

Gruts: Same as Guts, but you must say "gruts" instead of "guts" and "chawawenge" instead of "challenge". Violators of this rule pay a quarter per infraction. Intended to be played drunk.

  • Only penalized if said *as your action*. So you can ask someone "guts or pass?" and then ding them if they answer "guts".
  • Infractions during the current round are placed in a sidepot, so they do not change the stakes of the current bet (so if someone has gruts'd, and a chawawenger makes infractions, the grutser is not on the hook for the unanticipated pot growth). After the round is resolved between grutsers/chawawengers, the infraction sidepot is added into to pot for the next round.

Plus Node:

  • 5 card draw.
  • After deal, place four cards face down in the shape of a plus (+) and four in a line in the shape of a minus (-).
  • Bet phase after initial hands are dealt, then draw phase, then bet, then "node phase", then bet, then show.
  • Node phase: each player in turn flips a card in either the "plus node" or the "minus node". If the player turns over a card on the plus, any player with the revealed card in hand shows that card, and gains a random card to add to their hand. If the player turns over a card on the minus node, all players must show & discard the revealed card and are dealt a replacement.

Crazy Limbo: 5 card draw. Deal, bet, draw, bet, then everyone shows their lowest card, which is wild for all, then final bet, and show.

Midnight baseball: Deal 7 cards, don't look at your cards! Each player in turn reveals cards until they have the winning hand, then they bet. 3s and 9s are wild (like in baseball), and a black 6 kills your immediately. When you turn up a 4, you have the option to buy a card for a quarter. Optional rules:

  • Wild tax: If you reveal a 3 or 9, it's not wild til you pay a quarter. Rotate the card or otherwise move it to mark that it's wild.
  • Rainout: If the 7 of diamonds is revealed, it's rainout. Collect all cards and redeal hand. Folded people stay out.
  • Daytime (normal Baseball): Dealt as a normal stud (2 down, 1 up, 2 down, 1 up, 1up). If doing wild tax or rainout, these happen for "down" cards at the showdown when all cards are revealed.

Five card double draw, draw tax, primes are wild: Five card draw, but with two draw phases, and prime numbers are wild (2,3,5,7). For the draw phase, there's a draw tax: each card past the first one costs a nickel.

Indian Midnight Baseball: Same as midnight baseball (above), but YOU don't see your own cards, only everyone else's. For each player to play, the other players will tell them simply "stop" or "go". "Stop" means either "you are winning, so you can stop revealing cards" or "you have a black six and thus lose". "Go" means "more cards are needed to become winning". Revelation of a 4 leads others to simply say "option to buy", which works as above, then after that's decided, you "stop"/"go" as directed.

Phone Home:

  • 5 card draw.
  • Deal, bet, phone home, bet, phone home, bet, phone home, bet, show.
  • Phone home: each player as the option to buy a card for a quarter.
  • At ANY time (even DURING the showdown), a player may make a collect call, thus buying another card for 50 cents. This may be done twice per player.
  • Cards acquired via "phone home" or "collect call" are simply added to the hand; no discard is needed to accept them.

Acey Deucey: Standard game. Dealer reveals two cards: left and right. Player makes a bet between nickel and pot that the next card revealed in the middle is between the two ranks, exclusive. So revealing a 3 and 6 would only win on a 4 or 5. If you win, you take the specified amount from the pot, else you add it. Game continues until someone bets pot and wins. Optional addons:

  • Palansky: Can't call pot on first go around. If two matching cards are dealt, then you actually play two rounds, one for the left card and an even left-er card, and one for the right card and an even right-er card.
  • Escape chance: Can't call pot on first go around. When faced with a no-win scenario (cards are equal or differ by one), instead of betting and losing, the player may pay a quarter to replace the card of their choice with another, then bet normally. If the replacement card is also a no-win scenario, this maneuver can be repeated.

Queen and what follows: 7 card stud, queens are wild, as is the card most recently placed face up following a queen.

Deuces, jacks, man with the axe, and a pair of natural sevens takes all: 7 card stud. Like it says, the stated cards (2s, jacks, and the king of diamonds, who holds an axe) are wild, and a player holding two natural 7s wins automatically. (If two players have natural 7s, they split the pot.)

Monte carlo: 5 card draw with the following sequence:

  • Deal 5 cards
  • Someone must declare they have at least a pair of jacks, else redeal
  • Bet, draw, bet, show
  • If nobody has at least 3 of a kind, nobody can win, pot stays, re-ante, re-deal and start again

Tiramisu cake game: 7 card stud: 2 down, 2 up, 2 down, 1 up and made communally wild.

New/experimental

Exclusive war. Seven card stud, dealt {1up+1down, 1 up, 1up+1down, 1 up, 1up}. Deuces wild. Odd number of sixes kills you at showdown, even number takes all.

Ferengi Chicken:

  • Ante, deal two cards face down
  • Ferengi phase, everyone has the option to buy a card for 25 cents.
  • Bet phase
  • If at least one person bought a card at the last ferengi phase AND everyone could have afforded to buy a card, go back to the ferengi phase, else it's the showdown

Pineapple: same as Texas hold 'em, but you start with three cards, and discard one before the flop. This serves to increase regret/sorrow, but also gives a little extra information too.

Games of seemingly waning popularity

Salt and pepper: 6 cards dealt, trade left, bet, trade right, bet, show.

Secret Squirrel: 5 card draw, but deal two extra cards in the center face down at the start. After the draw phase and bet, reveal them - they're wild for everyone. Then final bet.

Fish Node:

  • A 5 card draw (typically with 1 wild) Plus Node variant, but there are no node cards laid out on the table.
  • After the draw phase, there is a fish node phase where players (1 at a time) reveal 1 card from their hand as bait (declared either plus or minus) and lay it in front of them. Everyone with this card, including the player who placed it, will lose it (minus) or keep it (plus, laid in front of them) and receive a random additional card.
  • Place final bets, then showdown.
  • Optional bonus phase: Fish Flop - For every bait card revealed, a random card is dealt into the "fish"; sideways for minus, vertically for plus. After the fish node phase and bet phase, the "fish" pile flops (is turned over). If there were more minus cards in the pile, the whole pile is positive, and vice versa for more plus cards (ties go negative). All cards revealed take effect immediately as plus or minus node cards. Final bets, then showdown on this mess.

Contact Hold'em:

  • Like Texas Hold'em everyone gets two cards face down, but there are no communal cards in the middle. Instead, everyone is dealt two cards face down and two face up, and you make your hands out of your own 4 cards and the 2 face up cards of the people sitting to your left and right. So it's a 5 card hand out of an 8 card pool that changes based on your neighbors. Deal is 2 down, 1 up, 1 up.
  • Foald blood rule: When someone folds, their face up cards are canceled and you neighbor becomes the next nearest player still in the game. If only two players are left, they only count as 1 neighbor each (their card pool is only 6). If this rule is not in effect, you must deal face up cards to folded players.
  • Optional bonus phase: Face-up cards may be traded after each round of face-up cards is dealt. You can't trade with your neighbors.

Zap (revised):

  • Deal 5 cards each, face down. Do not declare a wild, one will emerge later. Choose [Greased lightning] or [Gooey lightning] mode (Faster game vs Longer with more card exchanges).
  • Bet.
  • Zap phase:
    • In turn, each player is dealt a card face up, which calls down lightning:
      • Lightning chains through each player to the left, a number of times equal to the face value of the card revealed (only 1 time for a face card).
      • Each person the lightning chains through is "zapped" and must pay a nickel.
      • The player at the end of the chain is "struck" and gets a new card face up in front of them (and pays a nickel).
    • Players can have a max of 3 cards face up in front of them.
      • If someone with 3 cards is dealt a card or struck with lightning, they must replace 1 card (in hand or in front) with the new card, discarding the old one they choose.
        • [Greased lightning] The discarded card zaps to the left without stopping (regardless of face value) until it strikes someone with less than 3 cards in front. They receive the discarded card and the lightning is "grounded".
        • [Gooey lightning] The discarded card passes to the left. If the next player has 3 cards showing, they replace 1 as above and discard to their left. This cycle continues until reaching someone with less than 3 cards in front. They receive the discarded card and the lightning is "grounded".
    • Zap phase continues in turn until everyone has 3 cards showing.
      • If lightning strikes when everyone has 3 cards showing, everyone pays a nickel and the lightning is "grounded".
  • Wild: Lowest card showing for each player is wild, for that player only.
  • Final bet, Showdown.

Stampede: deal 5, plus three aside from another deck. Draw, reveal one of the three–it's wild, bet. Draw, reveal, bet; draw, reveal, bet. Showdown.

Hi Di Deu Wi brought to you by Dana Snyder :

  • 7 card stud game dealt 2 down, 4 up, 1 down (dealer can elect to do our usual 2 down, 1 up, 2 down, 1 up, 1 up instead)
  • Deuces wild
  • Whoever holds the highest diamond splits the pot at the showdown, regardless of the winning hand. No diamonds thrown → no pot split.
    • Variant - Stealth high diamonds: Only the diamonds dealt face down are part of this potential split (UNTESTED)

Chaos Wilds Poker: Designed in part by ChatGPT.

  1. Each player is dealt 5 cards
  2. Chaos phase
  3. Bet
  4. Chaos phase
  5. Bet
  6. Chaos phase
  7. Chaos unleashed phase
  8. Wild transformation phase
  9. Bet
  10. Showdown
  • Chaos phase: One card is revealed from the deck. Based on the card the following effect happens:
    • Number Cards (2-10): The rank of the card (divided by two rounded down) determines the number of community cards to be revealed from the deck. For example, if a player reveals a 7 of hearts, 3 community cards are revealed.
    • Face Cards (Jacks, Queens, Kings): A face card forces each player to pass one of their cards to the player on their right.
    • Aces: Every player reveal one of their hole cards to everyone. This revealed card becomes a wild card for everyone.
  • Chaos Unleashed: Players now have their modified hands after the chaos rounds. A regular betting round occurs, but the chaos cards, swapped cards, and the revealed community wild cards remain in play, continuing to influence the game. (so this is just a bet phase)
  • Wild Transformation: One final card is drawn from the deck and revealed face up. This card becomes the last wild card for everyone.

Old/obsolete/confusing

Bat Ladders: ????

Zap (old):

  • Start with 5 cards each, face down. Bet.
  • Zap phase: In turn, each player is dealt a card face up, which calls down lightning. The lightning chains through each player to the left, a number of times equal to the face value of the card revealed (1 time for a face card). Each person zapped along the way must pay a nickel. The player at the end of the chain is struck and gets a new card face up in front of them.
  • Players can have a max of 3 cards face up in front of them. If lightning strikes someone with 3 cards they must replace 1 card (in hand or in front), and their discarded card continues chaining to the left until it strikes someone with less than 3 cards in front.
  • Zap phase continues until everyone has 3 cards showing. Lowest card showing for each player is wild for that player. Final bet, Showdown.
poker.1756754713.txt.gz · Last modified: by tkbletsc

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